Roosters crowing children growing, got big plans but dirty pants, with kids to teach life is sweet!

Dear Kopila,

The past few months have been tough in a lot of ways. School is eating my lunch. I moved into a new (cheaper – yes!) apartment two months ago and it’s only half unpacked. I did laundry for the first time in a month this past weekend. (I’m not wearing dirty underwear – I just have And I’ve been a lousy friend, sister, daughter. I don’t return phone calls or texts or emails or Facebook messages. I purposefully let my phone run out of battery for days at a time. I just feel overwhelmed.

But the toughest thing has been being away from you, from all of you. I miss everyone so much. More than I thought was possible. Seeing pictures of Bishal a head taller than when I left, or Maya reading books I bought in New York, or Hikmat taking a photography lesson – it fills my heart and breaks it at the same time. I just want to be there with you.

When people ask what the summer was like I can’t eke out much more than “it was great,” because I cry like a crazy person if I tell stories. I purposefully avoid the blinknow blog because that makes me cry too! I mean – I am a crier, I think I’ve admitted to that before – but really – it’s so annoying.

I realized the other day that I’ve gotten used to being able to eat whatever I want whenever I want – and I don’t like it. I’ve let the water run while I brush my teeth – AND waited for it to get really hot before getting in the shower. I’ve gotten pissy and cynical about education in America, and forgotten that if every kid could have a tenth of what we have here…well, let me just say Arrrghhh!

Why am I not spending those moments thinking of ways we can make that a reality, instead of muttering to myself about the Texas State Board of Education’s revisionist history agenda?

I’ve been absent because I wanted to try to stay focused on school so I could finish before I die of old age – thank goodness Maggie doesn’t have a degree either – she can appreciate my stunted educational pedigree – absent because I felt overwhelmed by the pressure to continue working for the teachers at Kopila while I was here in Dallas (failed miserably in that in case you were wondering – like I said, I can’t even keep my laundry clean) – and absent because I just didn’t what to see what I was missing at Kopila.

But then I started accepting the fact that it was practically November! There were only 6 weeks of instruction left in the semester and then I could dedicate my time and energy to the Kopila curriculum. I could enjoy hearing my cell phone’s “Mom” ring tone, and stop picking up shifts at the library. I could go running!

What I needed to do was get back into the swing of things and adopt a can do attitude, so that when December 11th rolled around, I’d ready to knock my lesson plan socks off!

So – sulking and kvetching aside…today I changed my MO. I’ve answered Maggie’s repeated requests for a Skype convo. I’ve begun working on scholarship/grant applications for my spring and summer travel expenses. I’m updating the blog! And I talked to my sister Laura, even though I was probably not helpful.

What got me going again was Kopila. The NYT Magazine piece which featured our beloved Maggie, catching up on the blog, and visiting Gail and Erin’s Kickstarter page…. It all made me realize how lame I was being, and how I had turned away from the things that would inspire and sustain me more than anything else. How silly was I? Turns out what I’ve been hiding from all semester was actually what I should have been leaning on from the moment I got back.

Isn’t it so like us to think we know exactly what we’re doing – only to be shown we couldn’t have been farther from the truth?

Your long lost and humbled friend,



One response to “Dear Kopila,

  1. Margaret November 3, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    Nice to hear from you again! You are a great writer. Welcome back. 🙂

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